


Supermegafoxyawesome: The Pimp Cane

by pokeyspot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Darry - Freeform, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:36:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokeyspot/pseuds/pokeyspot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CRACKFIC Harry encounters Lucius Malfoy in all his glory. Involves Darry, improper use of an umbrella and of course the inspiration: the all famous and glorious Malfoy pimp cane. NO lemon, just CRACKFIC</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supermegafoxyawesome: The Pimp Cane

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character thereof. I am not making any money from this story. 
> 
> Warnings: Lucius being fabulous
> 
> Originally posted on Fanfiction.net under the same name and penname.  
> Edited and posted here 8/9/13  
> Oneshot

"I can't believe we're about to do it." Draco said blushing and looking at Harry with luminous eyes.

"I'm ready are you?" Harry asked looking at Draco searchingly as they held each other close. Draco nodded once sharply looking extremely nervous.

Then he raised his hand so slowly and knocked on the door.

A house elf opened the door looking up "Young Master Malfoy! You is back!" it squeaked up at them "Please come in." They were seen into the parlor, elegantly decorated in everything you would expect of the name Malfoy.

"Toppsy I'm looking for my father."

Toppsy looked uncomfortable for a moment "Master Malfoy is busy young master."

"Show me to him." Draco said in an imperious tone

"Yes young Master, right away." The elf said while Harry elbowed his boyfriend in the ribs for treating Toppsy like that. Draco just shrugged him off looking nervous as they were directed towards the office.

"Father?" Draco asked knocking on the door

"Draco?" They heard a voice from beyond the wooden surface, there was a series of rustles before the voice continued, "You're back!" A blonde man opened the door abruptly his normally perfect hair was in slight disarray and he didn't invite them in, he instead closed the door behind him with a snap.

"Father are you well?" Draco asked with a frown

"Fine fine, son. Why is Harry Potter in my house?" Lucius asked asked squinting at the black haired boy with suspicion as if he was there to steal the silverware.

"T-that's." Draco clered his throat "I have something to say to you. I'm gay."

The elder Malfoy looked on emotionlessly, not moving an inch, the surprisingly luke-warm smile that had been there upon his appearance was gone replaced with… well the boys weren't sure what.

"I would like to formally ask Draco's Master of the House for your permission to make Draco my magical partner." Harry said steadily looking Lucius in the eye squarely as he recited the necessary lines according to Pureblood Tradition.

"No." Lucius sneered

Draco slumped slightly as if the hope keeping him upright had faded.

"Yes." Harry smiled back, it wasn't a nice smile

"Why would I bother letting my son partner with a half-blood?"

"Because I won the war, because I'm more powerful than you, and because if you don't I'll blast you through the wall." Harry grinned happily at the thought

"Oh kiss my cane." Lucius spat and flipped his long blond hair

Instead of the anger Lucius expected to receive, Harry looked as if he had just won the lottery. Harry spun to Draco and poked him in the chest "I told you! I bloody told you it was a pimp cane!"

Draco looked horrified for a moment then reached into his robes and grabbed his purse, he counted out five galleons into Harry's waiting palm still staring at his father.

"It's not a pimp cane!" Lucius yelled

While this took place there was a couple of thumps from the room beyond and the door opened. Severus Snape looked paler than usual still recovering from the final battle but he shoved Lucius aside lightly.

"As amusing as this is I have places to be." He told Lucius with a sneer

"Oh don't go! Help me with this Severus." Lucius said gesturing between his son and his former enemy

"With what? What's the problem?" Severus asked raising an eyebrow

"My son wants to be partnered with… that thing. Talk to him."

"… Lucius he's your son." Snape said slowly as if talking to someone mentally challenged

"He's your godson." Lucius said beginning to pace "He always listened more to you than to me."

"Oh really? What about when I said 'don't become a death eater' hmmm? I seem to recall him listening to you after you threatened him with your pimp cane."

"I already told you it's not a pimp cane! And do you have to bring that up every time we fight?"

"Tell me Draco." Harry leaned over to his boyfriend "Do they always bicker like an old married couple?"

"We are not an old married couple!" Snape and Lucius snapped at him in unison

"Yeah and Lucius doesn't have a pimp cane." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Talk to your godson!" Lucius snapped and pointed Severus towards Draco

Snaped pinched the bridge of his impressive nose as if warding off a headache, and just went with it. There was no arguing with Lucius when he was in a Mood. "Draco when a man loves another man there are some things you have to do to make sure everything is painless…"

"Not that you fool!" Lucius grabbed onto Snape's arm like a vice, whilst Harry turned a charming shade of green at the thought of how Snape knew that exactly…. He hoped, really hoped, that was from making the lubricating potions…. _Yeah lets go with that._

"Tell him he shouldn't partner with Potter!" Lucius continued

"And why the devil should I do that?" Snape asked with a sigh

"Because, because!" Lucius blustered

"Lucius Malfoy if you don't stop this stupidity then so help me Merlin I will tell them your nickname in Hogwarts and how you earned it."

"You wouldn't dare Snivellus." Lucius smirked and looked to the boys to see the effect of his wonderful jab at his friend.

Harry yawned "Old news." Draco nodded confirmation

Snape meanwhile smirked, he hated that name and fair was only fair.

"Luscious supermegafoxyawesome Malfoy got his nickname by-" Severus was stopped by the hand suddenly clamped over his mouth by the very red faced Malfoy. Harry and Draco stared on looking like they were trying dearly not to laugh. And failing. They fell against each other giggling…erm… manfully chuckling.

"So." Harry said gasping to get his breath back "as to why you should let a halfblood partner with your son… I now have blackmail that I'm sure would be interesting to people." Harry fell into manly giggles once more.

"You are not to repeat that to anyone." Malfoy seethed and unconsciously took his hand off Snape's mouth

"-In the astronomy tower with an umbrella and –" then hand clamped back over Severus' mouth.

"Father?" Draco asked wide eyed and staring at his father as if he'd never seen him before… and was now mentally scarred from the experience.

"Well your mother and I always had an understanding about what happened before we married." Lucius shrugged and turned to Severus "You've said quite enough. Are you finished?"

Lucius could feel the man smirk under his hand but Severus nodded and was released

"Come now Lucius, it's not like you could have a problem with your son being gay." Severus said reasonably in a soothing tone

"My son has to carry on the Malfoy name."

"Hypocrite." Severus laughed and moved away from the angry Malfoy

"I'm not a hypocrite, I did carry on the Malfoy name." Lucius said with a dignified sniff

"Is that your only problem?" Harry asked

"….No…"

"Liar." Severus and Harry yelled recognizing the I'm-a-lying-Malfoy face from their own experiences.

"There's always blood adoption. You read about it all the time." Draco put in reasonably " _All the bloody time._ Hell Sev could adopt Harry for that matter."

The two in question gave an involuntary shudder at the mere thought but nodded at the general idea of blood adoption as a possibility.

Lucius looked as if he was about to pout.

"That's it. If you don't agree by the count of three I'm taking away your pimp cane for a month." Sevrus said with a hard edge to his voice

"But-"'

"One."

"Not fair-"

"Two."

"Sev!"

"Two and a half."

"Fine! I hereby give my permission for the partnership of my heir and that of the Houses Potter and Black."

"So you admit it's a pimp cane." Harry noted now that he had the permission that was needed. 

He quickly had to duck a hex aimed at his head. 

"Welcome to the family Potter." Severus said dryly


End file.
